A student wrote to me, asking:
How do I deal with imposter syndrome? I’ve been doing pretty well in many aspects of my life recently (this wasn’t the case in the past) and I just feel I’m actually not worthy of all this or soon I’ll just stop being successful. I know I’m putting in more effort now which could be why I’m doing well. But at the same time, I just feel very insecure nowadays.
I think this experience is very common, and it’s something we will encounter every time we step into a new role or responsibility. I feel that way each time I take on a new task, and my TAs can attest that they feel that way at the start when they first became TAs.
There are two issues I do wish to address:
(1) Firstly, when we’re new to something, we don’t identify ourselves as one of “them,” the pros who have been around for longer and who seem to do better than us. It’s good to model yourself after them, but they’re really not the right benchmarks to compare with. I say this because you don’t have the same level of experience as they do. So if you keep benchmarking yourself against them, you will always feel not good enough, and it becomes harder for you to see yourself as one of “them,” thereby prolonging the feeling that you are an imposter.
What’s more important is to learn to settle into your role and take credit for all your little successes, big and small, especially the small ones. Aim to be excellent in the tasks and responsibilities given to you. As you do this well, your team mates or colleagues will begin to rely on you more. This will make you feel more integrated into the team, and you’ll soon feel like you have become one of them.
(2) Of course, everything I said earlier can be undermined if you have a low self-esteem or are unnecessarily harsh on yourself. Truly, we are our worst enemies. We work so hard to get so far, and once we’ve made it, we start to tell ourselves we are not good enough. That’s really not a nice thing to do to yourself.
I want to share with you an advice a friend shared with me the other day: “You are your own friend. So, don’t say things to yourself that you would never say to your friends.” We can be really mean to ourselves and say very discouraging and even hateful things. That’s not healthy, and it’s important that we learnt to be kind and patient with ourselves the way we are to our friends. Once we do this, we can begin to appreciate the good that we’ve achieved by our own effort.
So tell yourself what I’ll say to you: Well done! I’m proud of you. Keep up what you’re doing. I’m sure you’ll continue to do well. :)